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Esilenna Loves |
try try.and always try again
Friday, March 11, 2011
The title of this post basically has all that i had wanted to say summerised in itself already. I am not in such a good mood today but neither is my.mood that bad altogether. Just in between moods. Found a new drama to watch. My mom's not gonna be happy if she hears about this but oh well. The title of the drama Is ohitorisama. Basically meaning that person is always by herself. She is a career woman who chooses work over her boyfriend anyday. I guess that sorta describes me as well. I have been doing loads of things by.myself lately. Pretty much cause my friends are in school and also sort of by choice? :-D It is not all that bad if you.think.it in a way that you get to choose everything that you wanna do.
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There's always to sides to a coin
Monday, September 13, 2010
There's always two sides to life isn't it? There's the up and then there is the down. It always depends on which side we want to see. I have to be honest, I have been dwelling on the downside for such a long time that I didn't even put the possiblity of happiness in the picture. Not that I can say that I am very happy or pleased with life right now. But I guess, I might have learnt to face the facts of it. At times I do feel really broken and feel like there is no one to turn to. But then again, I know that I will really drive myself up the wall if I do that. It's really quite lonely being the only child in the family. You don't really have anyone to talk to about school stuff or anything. Though I have my mom and my godsis who acts like a total kid, it just doesn't feel the same I guess. Maybe it's because they are adults and they form their own opinions about the things that I tell them. I don't blame them for anything but rather, I feel really grateful for alot of things that they have done for me. But it really just isn't the same as having siblings I guess. I come back in the afternoons most of the time back to an empty house. If it isn't for belle(my dog) I really have no idea how I will feel about coming back to an really empty house and being by myself all the way until 7 plus at night waiting for someone to come back. Oh gosh, I do sound pathetic don't I? I guess it's because I'm afraid of loneliness that I hate being taken out of my comfort zone for anything. Because, I'll be like a fish out of water feeling absolutely vunerable. But, I have grown! I am slowly able to manage these changes. Even though it's tough.... REALLY tough at times but, I'm willing to try. Even though right now, it may be really painful at times and the loneliness seeps back in.......
Troubled knotted heart.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
I'm feeling very troubled recently. It feels as if my heart is all tangled up and knotted into this one huge mass in my chest. It sometimes feels so tight that I can't breathe. I wonder what's going on with me. This doesn't feel nice at all. I wish that I can just live without troubles at all. But this is the game of life. Trouble is everywhere and is spelt with a capital T. So I guess it won't work this way then. If only I knew what was going on.
Then maybe,
maybe I won't feel this way right now or ever.
Hey, you're cute but stop starring.
Sunday, September 5, 2010
We pass each day like a routine. Each day we face different circumstances, meet different people, say different things, sometimes we even say things that we regret but all in all, we still pass each day as a routine. Mostly because it's part of our life and we live our lives day to day because we can only move forwards not back. We think about things because we feel. If we don't feel, we won't think or much less bother about anything. But we can't live our lives as robots can we? Afterall we're made of flesh, blood and definitely consists of a whole lot of emotions. We laugh, cry, get angry, frustrated, love, hate all boils down to us being the humans that we are, have emotions and we get affected by the circumstances that we are in and therefore, our actions is a reflection of our reactions. If our actions is an reflection of our actions, it would be a whole lot easier to express ourselves wouldn't it? So why do some people instead of saying what they want to say, just instead stare at someone and not say anything? Maybe it is due to the phrase"just can't find anything to express myself" but still, it's freaky. Especially to the other party. No matter how cute, how goodlooking the person is, they will still freak you out if they were to do it for a long time. Like wise, how would you like it if some random person just starred at you from a corner? I guess some people might enjoy the attention, let's face the fact, we all do. But that's in the begining. After that, it just becomes too freaky for your liking and you start to think if there's something wrong with you. This happens especially if you don't or hardly have any confidence in yourself. I have to admit, I'm like that. Which is maybe why I'm so bothered about it.
For the sunday crushes, hey, you're cute, but please stop starring and say something! Anything. Because you're driving me up the wall. Both of you are. If it's some prank, to be constantly playing it by the years is really something. I admire you for your prankmanship but please drop it. If it's just something else, haha, then I think you'd better get your eyes checked. :)
After much thought.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
I think I am going to remove my blog address from my facebook account. Because, like what was said by someone, if people want to talk to you, they will naturally call you(that's speaking of phones wise). But I'm going to apply it blogwise was well. If people are interested to find out about me, they will naturally know my blog address so I dont see the purpose of the link. If they are not interested, even if the link is there, it will serve no purpose right? I thought of many things today, like what has happened in this whole lifetime. I find the theory of saying that "Life is one shot" very relevant. Because, whatever you do in life, you can only do it once. You go through a day one, a minute passes once, some people will only pass you by once in your life as well. There's this saying that we will meet approximately 300,00 people in a lifetime. Maybe I should start couting right now. I find that in every fight, every conflict, misunderstanding between someone. If you blame that person, you might not be able to forgive them properly. But if you blame yourself, you have no choice but to forgive because it's you and you will always have to live with you. So, there's no choice and you have to forgive yourself one way or another. So, I guess, I will have to start forgiving myself from now.
I feel that my footsteps are alot faster than others somehow, I go through things faster maybe because I'm surrounded by adults? I don't know. It feels as if my life passes very fast. I don't know how to express myself right now because, as I'm typing, my hands are shaking. I have no idea as well.
All I know right now is that everything is passing by like a blur. I wish that it would slow down but it just won't. Whatever it is, I just wish that I have the time to do all the things that I had always wanted to do and be the person that I have always wanted to be. I'm tired of jumping hurdle after hurdle. It's like an never-ending obstacle course that I have to complete. It's leaving me drained and giddy but I have to keep moving on. Somehow, this is getting more depressing. sighs.
What I know now is to get the things that I need to do done and over with. But what I really want is to not regret what I have done/will do and hope to be able to fall in love before the end of time. That's just something that I really want to know.
Love.
I wish I may I wish I might.
Friday, August 27, 2010
Have you ever thought of why your wishes don't come true when you wish upon a star? It is said that it will come true but why won't it come true? I would like to know that as well. If only wishes come true, then more than half of our problems will be gone won't it? Not to mention that all of us will be much more happier than what we are right now. We will be able to find the answers to our questions and meet the right people. Everyday would be a breeze this way. 
make a wish
I wish that wishes come true.
It's all part of life.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
It's all part of life to have ups and downs. But in mine, if I were to very pessimistic about it, there are more downs than ups. Cause the ups never last and yet there is no end to the downs. But I'd have to pick myself up else there will be no end to such things. Besides, it's not the first time. I have been through more than this. I can do this. Even though I may not know where I'm going now but I'll find out sooner or later.
You'll never understand someone if you stand in their shoes and just look at them where you are standing. I keep starring blank at the screen even though I have to much to express. I guess maybe it's because I'm so tired of saying too many things and have decided not to say anything? Oh gosh, I think I'd better get a grip on myself. There's blood everywhere. Like silence that pierces through the night.
