Though I said that I had made up my mind to forget, to forgo, to lose all sorts of feelings for that person. But, this is not going well for me right now. I get affected by the smallest things or comments ever. I am not usually like that unless I'm in Pms mode then sometimes it does happen. No matter how many times I said that this cannot go on, it doesn't ever seem to work. What am I to do?

It's not a choice to think of him or not, it's just that he has been occupying my view all this time and to get me to stop so suddenly just doesn't seem as easy as it seems. It took me a long time to forget before this. But now, it's back again and it will not go off as easily as it did the first time(which was nowhere near easy mind you).

People that are all alone are the most pitiful. When they have problems, they have no one to turn to and can only curl up in a corner to cry. I'm lucky that I am not in that state. That I have my family and friends to support me. But when I think of someone whom is close to me, who refuses to have any contact with the family and just lives all alone with no one to rely on, I just have this tight feeling in my chest. After all, he is still someone very dear to me and I don't wish anything bad to happen to him. Besides, he is my family and my brother. Self ostracisation is just unthinkable. Because, there will definitely be times whereby you need someone, when you're down and out, at least there will be a family to support but if you cut off all ties, no matter how much your family wants to help, they can't cause you will most probably reject their help.