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When the going gets tough, the amber light shows.
Monday, August 2, 2010
I went to the doctor's yesterday(in case you're wondering, I have to go for checkups every two weeks to make sure my condition is stable and everything), then she immediately pointed out that if I don't change my sleeping habits, I'm going to end up in hospital instead of the exam hall. I didn't think it was so bad anyway because I do sorta make up for my sleep in the afternoons just that, sometimes it might not be that sufficient. But apparently, my body, like the traffic light is already turning amber in colour, so I have to adjust the whole sleeping thing before it turns RED. Although, I really can tell it's taking a toll on my body, I will only be able to adjust the sleeping time during the national day holidays. Maybe it's due to somethings happening in school as well as at home, I've become even more sensitive and edgy to things around me. It's like I get disturbed or offended by things that really don't mean harm but were just said for fun either that or I say things that I don't mean or may not sound so nice to the ears of the recievers. Either or, I'm sorry to the people around me. I'll be alright soon enough. If it becomes unbearable, tell me.
I'm over with the complaining and whinning already because I've finally found some reason to it at last. No one said that things were ever easy, it just depends on how you view certain things. If you're positive about it, it will be over with faster than you think. But if you choose to dwell on the same spot, chances are you will just linger on and dwell in more misery than ever. That's for me, I don't really know about others. But I realised that once I found a reason to do something, it naturally becomes easier to approach.
But in any case, I need to find someone to talk to fast. Someone that can be neutral to everything but I don't want to tell my story all over again. I really just don't know. To my teachers, if anyone of you happen to read this post, Annelise knows what she is doing or has done. It's just that, I get trapped within myself very easily and I need time to walk out of it. Don't worry, I will do my part in my studies and make sure I get promoted this time round. After all, Pre-U 2 is a year that I won't EVER want to repeat again.
I went for two movies during the weekend. My darling mother thought that I was too stressed out and decided to bring me out to relax. I really do love her so. We watched "Aftershock" and Nodame Cantabile. Both shows and some other happenings seem to be like a sign from the One that is above telling me that I have to change and walk out of things myself. Because even I know myself that if I don't walk out of it myself, I will never be able to walk out of it. My mom watched Nodame and after the show, she turn to me and said, the girl's EXACTLY like you, ESPECIALLY her behaviour. Well, I guess I am like that to the people who really know me but I seal myself off to others. You really learn alot especially when you get ostracised by others when you were really young and had problems communicating. But, each and everytime, it's a new learning experience and adaptation to the environment as well as society's expectations. This is most probably why I hate starting in a new environment all over again. Because I have to adapt and learn as well as get used to the way that people of that "category" act, think and expect from others, in this case, me. Most of the time, it comes across to me as frustrating and nothing else. But, no matter what, you'll just have to live with it as time goes by.
吃得苦中苦方为人上人.
That was carved onto the pencil that my chinese teacher gave me. We drew lots for the pencil and each and everyone of them had different phrases and idioms written on them. This one really applies to me and I'm really glad that I got it. To those who can't read mandarin it means, the more hardships that you endure, the more successful you will be in future. It roughly means that.
If love can be withdrawn, forgone and forgotten so easily, it is not called love anymore.